he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
