Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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