Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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