Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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