the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
