sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
