look no pants
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
