On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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