try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
