I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
