I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
