I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
