yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
