well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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