how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
