he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
