Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
