sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
