You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
