Porn is love you can see.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
