i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
