you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
