I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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