so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
