24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
