I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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