The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
