there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
