I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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