Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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