But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
