i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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