You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
