Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
