Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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