I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
