I wish I could punch you in the face.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We are two peas in an std pod
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
