Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
