OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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