next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
