I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
