listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
