dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
