She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
