you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
