i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We named our party play list daddy issues
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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