I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
