He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
