In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
