no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
