we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
soo... how was my night?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
