you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
