Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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