Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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