wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
