Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
