literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
