first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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