yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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